FIFA Eyes Only

Yesterday was a strange day, wasn’t it?

We’ve had the super moon this week, which had turned into a giant satsuma by 3am, and got Professor Brian Cox all excited like he’d just found it in his Christmas stocking with a string bag full of un-cracked walnuts and a packet of Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit. But yesterday was stranger than that.

It had also been revealed this week, by one of the upstanding red tops, that Posh and Becks were now officially richer than the Queen. This was front page news. This isn’t news. It’s no surprise that they’re actually richer than the Queen, if you think about it. They both work for a living for a start. But yesterday was stranger than that.

The rule of three would now dictate that I write about another news story. Wringing a little humour out of it before finally getting to the point of my blog. But, I’m not going to do that. Some things are more important than jokes. Because, you see, yesterday was even stranger than that last sentence being written by me.

Yesterday, Coca-Cola, McDonald’s, Visa and Budweiser called for Sepp Blatter to immediately resign.

Coca-Cola kicked it off by saying: “Everyday that passes, FIFA’s image and reputation continues to tarnish.”

This is a company who, in 2006, were accused of causing water shortages in India. They think Blatter’s actions have gone too far. That Blatter tarnishes FIFA’s reputation more so than say whole areas of the Indian sub-continent not being able to water their crops, tarnished Coca-Cola’s reputation.

Only this year, workers at McDonald’s went on strike because their newly announced pay rises were actually fucking over any workers that worked at a ‘restaurant’ (and I use that word very loosely) not owned by the company itself. If you worked for a restaurant that was a franchise you could kiss that pay rise goodbye. And McDonald’s think Blatter should go.

I mean, they have a point, but it’s a hypocritical smackdown of huge proportions. It’s like Hitler and Stalin having a Who’s the Biggest Tyrant? competition. Oh. Hang on. They did. That was what World War II was, wasn’t it?

Blatter has refused to go, of course. He sat back in his hollowed-out volcano home and released a statement which declared that Sepp Ernst Stavro Blofeld Blatter would not be resigning as it “would not be in the best interest of FIFA, nor would it advance the process of reform” … and besides, he couldn’t possibly leave until February 2016 because that’s how long it will take him to shred all his bank statements.

Sepp Ernst Stavro Blofeld

Sepp Ernst Stavro Blofeld Blatter

Greg Dyke, the chairman of the FA, won yesterday on penalties, however, when he declared  that:

“It doesn’t matter what Mr Blatter says now. If the people who pay for FIFA want a change they will get a change. For those of us who want fundamental change, this is good news.”

That’s right, Greg. It is good news, isn’t it? Off the back of a scandal where a man has clung to power due to corruption and bribery, and an organisation that now seemingly wants to prove that football is more important than money, it’s excellent news that Blatter may finally be removed because some financial heavyweights have moved in. After all nobody knows that money talks better than FIFA. How is this change, dickhead? It’s just more of the bloody same.

But should we be surprised? Was yesterday really such a strange day? Corruption thrives at the top of any organisation. There is little we can do to stop it from happening. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight it when we discover it. That we shouldn’t take on the Blatter’s of the World. They’ve been getting away with it for too long. So pack your bags, Sepp. Take responsibility for what you’ve done. And if you’re feeling a little sorry for yourself, do you know what always cheers me up? A Happy Meal and a Coke.

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